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We knew until then to be this independent, outgoing girl with an вЂњoptimistic character,вЂќ fixing problems by myself without relying on my man that I might have forced myself. Possibly I experienced been wanting to show one thing, in this society where individuals anticipate girls become submissive and quiet.
ItвЂ™s been 2 yrs since our relationship finished. Wef only I possibly could say my understanding brought me personally complete freedom from sex norms or objectives of other people, nonetheless it didnвЂ™t. I experienced doubts about whether I happened to be adequate a gf to him given that I happened to be thinking about remaining an outgoing, separate girl. The greater amount of we mentioned our future, the greater amount of afraid we became that i would never be their perfect life partner. We maintained fretting about whether i possibly could satisfy their buddies or moms and dadsвЂ™ expectations of a вЂњgood girl.вЂќ
My worries are not the reason that is only parted methods, nonetheless they had been definitely an issue.
Dating him, among others before that, has permitted us to see my self-contradictions and insecurities. I will be self-conscious of my womanhood and independence. I will be filled with contradictory desires, planning to be personal self, whatever that could be, but additionally planning to fulfill South Korean societyвЂ™s criteria on which a woman that is proper be. All of the individuals we have actually met in school, at workplaces, also in the home have actually affected me personally. It dawns on me that my battle is not pretty much fighting South Korean menвЂ™s expectations of just exactly how ladies need to act. I discovered for myself, too that I need to fight my own expectations.
IвЂ™m nevertheless learning on how to balance societyвЂ™s needs on females and my traits that are internal. Nevertheless, now we’m certain we donвЂ™t need certainly to suppress my вЂgirlishвЂ™ impulses in trying to be a separate girl. ItвЂ™s ValentineвЂ™s Day, and I also have always been enjoying chocolate that is making personal. We not any longer categorize this task as a womanly task. It is simply an interest, that is all. We additionally notice that alleged behaviors that are girlish aegyo and naesung aren’t the protect of women. Guys may do these plain things equally well as ladies.
The revelations on my component may be uncomfortable for many Southern Koreans to keep. (they may say chocolate that is making a womanвЂ™s hobby and guys never do aegyo or naesung.) But i need to thank the South men that are korean have dated вЂ” also those people who have been therefore critical of me вЂ” for leading me down this course of self-discovery. And I also look ahead to fulfilling the next guy who can help me find out about whom i really have always been.